Central Pneumatic 93742 User Manual download pdf (Page 7)

EVEN ONCE-A-MONTH SEX IS A CHORE FOR

THIS HIGH-FLYING WORKING MUM –

SHE’S JUST TOO TIRED. WE GOT EXPERT

HELP FOR HER AND HER HUSBAND.

Libido’s

Gone

Missing!

Janice

and Pete

have been married for

four years

and have an 18-month-

old daughter, Jasmine*. Both high-achieving PR

professionals, they have stressful jobs that involve

long hours.

Despite being career-focused, the couple decided

to have a child “before it was too late”. Janice went

back to work three months after giving birth, as she

did not want to put her career on hold for too long,

and they left their daughter in the care of Pete’s mum.

“It was very tiring,” she admits. “I was still

breastfeeding and had to express every two to three

Love Made Easy Expert’s Take

hours at work, which was very disruptive. I felt fat

and tired, but felt that I had to prove to my boss,

subordinates and clients that I was still on top of

things, that I could be Superwoman and excel at

work, even with a baby. It was exhausting and I’ve

been exhausted to this day.”

This has taken a toll on the couple’s sex life, as

Janice is never in the mood. Pete complains that

they have sex only once a month, if he’s lucky. She

gets annoyed by his hankering for sex, especially on

weeknights, “and I just need to pay my sleep debt

on weekends”. When they do have sex, she says, it’s

just to get it over and done with. While they do not

have big quarrels over this, Pete does get sullen

when Janice brushes him off when he initiates sex.

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OUR LOVE EXPERTS

Marriage “edu-tainers” Jay and Laura Laffoon are co-founders

of Celebrate! from the United States. They tout themselves as

“real people with real lives walking through a real marriage” —

drawing on their own marriage of over 20 years to convey marital

truths. They have written three books and produced countless DVDs

on marriage, and will be speaking at the Marriage Convention on

March 26 and 27. Visit www.marriagecentral.sg for more information.

MISMATCHED SEX DRIVES

Virtually every couple has different

sex drives, say marriage experts and

“edu-tainers” Jay and Laura Laffoon.

“In roughly 80 per cent of marriages,

the husband has the higher sex

drive. Studies have shown that the

average man needs sexual release

every 72 hours,” Jay says.

Draw up a timetable for sex

“What Janice and Pete need to do is

to mutually agree on a plan for their

sex life. A “plan” does not sound

very romantic, but sex is about so

much more than just sex. At times,

it is the glue that holds marriages

together,” Jay explains.

Hormonal changes due to

pregnancy and giving birth affect

a woman’s libido, but in Janice’s

case, 18 months after giving birth,

exhaustion is the most likely culprit

behind her lack of sexual desire,

Laura says. “Janice and Pete need

to work together to come up with a

plan to address Janice’s exhaustion.”

Get your priorities right

“Marriage is a journey. Along

the way, we all have to make

adjustments as our life together

changes. Janice and Pete need to

take a look at their priorities and

determine what is and what is not

important to them at this point. A

good place to start would be to

create a family mission statement,

which will help them make decisions

based on the ‘ﬁ lter’ of their mission

statement,” Laura advises.

Jay elaborates: “For instance, a

family’s mission could be to create a

loving, healthy and safe environment

where they nurture each other

to become global citizens. Come

vacation time, a family may decide

to spend time helping the needy in

Haiti or Calcutta.”

However, remember that family

mission statements can change

at different times of a family’s life

cycle, Jay adds.

Put family before career

Many working mothers may

reckon that work-life balance is an

urban legend. “It’s attainable, but

something has to give!” says Laura.

“But it doesn’t have to ‘give’ forever.

Pete and Janice should enjoy this

season with their daughter; maybe

they should both back off their

career goals for a while. They ought

to realise that if they are really good

at what they do, their careers will

always be there. Their daughter,

however, will only be a child for a

short time.”

With all that has been said about

sex, the couple should know that the

kids can get affected, too. A child’s

emotional well-being may suffer if

her parents are not emotionally and

sexually intimate. Jay says: “There

are countless studies indicating the

best thing a couple can do to help

their children develop into healthy

adults is to focus on their marriage.

The healthiest, wealthiest and best

adjusted adults come from homes

where mum and dad are growing in

their relationship and connecting in

every way.”

He says that getting a maid to handle the

household chores and help with the baby at

night, or having his mum stay with them during

weekdays would solve the problem. Janice,

however, is resistant to the ideas as she feels

that their two-bedroom apartment is already

too small for their family.

While she feels guilty and selﬁ sh for

neglecting Pete, she laments: “Honestly, I have

zero sex drive. Whether it’s hormonal or just

tiredness, I don’t know. Things were okay before

I had Jasmine. We worked hard and played hard.

Now, my life revolves around work and home.

I have almost no time or space for myself.”

* Names have been changed

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FACT:

In about 80 per cent

of marriages, the

husband has the

higher sex drive.

Studies have shown

that men need sexual

release every

72 hours.

Upon approval

Please sign:

Name and Date:

04MCYStp-lmeEXPERT'sTAKE v1.indd11 11 2/24/11 11:26:46 AM

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